Bottles of Beauty Goop

This is a copy of a note I wrote on Facebook, August 2008, but it's still blogworthy!

As I was packing for my trip to Colorado, I was taken aback by the number of bottles of beauty products in my bathroom, and then was shocked to realize that I’ve got more all over my house! So I started counting…

Bathroom- 47
Bedroom- 19
Purse- 6
Already packed for Colorado- 21
Linen closet- 29
Office- 4

All these put together make a grand total of 126.

126. Why do I have so many? And how much money have I spent on all of these magical products that make my hair straight, then make it curly, take the moisture out of my face, put the moisture back in my face, make my skin soft, make me smell like a girl, and generally take the edge off of my supposed natural state of “un-exfoliated wildebeest from the steaming acid lagoon of poo”?

Previously, I prided myself in being a low-maintenance kind of girl that could magically throw together a decent look without the help of a crazy amount of products. Who knows, maybe I’m still right, but that means that the average woman has MORE than 126 products strewn about her life. I might be high-maintenance.

Granted, I am not using all 126 every day, not even close. By my count, on the average day, I use 15-20, about 13% of the whole. I am including the essentials of toothpaste & deodorant, but still, why do I have 106 OTHER bottles of beauty goop just sitting around and how did I acquire them? Some are gifts, some I bought. So what beauty myths convinced me to acquire this many products? Was I afraid I didn’t have enough me-time in my life to pamper myself? Heck, I’m not married, no kids. My entire life is ME-time.

In the midst of my recently-realized high-maintenance existence, I tried to send myself on a “starving children” guilt trip. “There are ugly orphans in Africa who could use your acne cream!” Hmm. “If you aren’t going to use your eucalyptus-mint foot repair balm, give it to a nomad-child in Mongolia!” Somehow that guilt trip thing works better with leftover zucchini casserole.

I have narrowed myself down to two alternatives. I can either throw away all of the stuff I haven’t used in over a year or I can put a freeze on purchasing until I use it all up. I’m thinking I’ll pick the second option but unfortunately end up devoting a larger portion of my life to slathering myself with chemicals, not so much in an effort to look or feel better, but to use up all this stuff. Maybe I’ll end up with some beneficial side-effects, like softer, cleaner skin or I’ll finally look perfect. Right?

Ha. At least I have a great personality.

And for the one-year recount-
Bathroom- 35
Bedroom- 15
Purse- 7
Linen Closet- 23
Office- 4
Total- 84

And the current count-
Bathroom- 30
Bedroom- 15
Purse- 10
Linen Closet- 26
Office- 3
Still 84, and that's even after Christmas!