Healing the Big XII

Since Nebraska is reportedly leaving the Big XII for the Big 10 and Texas plus its oompa loompas possibly leaving for the Pac 10, I have started my speculations on how to best reinvent the conference with a collection of new teams. Each of these new teams can bring a fresh perspective to athletics and can hopefully take the conference to new levels of glory.

With this chance of reinvention, the Big XII should think about redefining the values of college athletics to embrace new ideologies of away-game geography considerations, harmony, inclusion regardless of division and equitable resource distribution (and possibly make a conference rule that Joe College can reopen?). So here is my daydream breakdown...

Nebraska is off to the Big 10. Texas, Texas A&M, Texas Tech, Oklahoma, OSU & Colorado are all lured away by the silicone-implanted, bottle-blond ditz of the Pac 10. Whatever. That leaves KU, K-State, Iowa State, Baylor & Missouri. I'm not a Missouri fan, so they're out and I'm declaring them the Notre Dame of the Midwest. With four remaining schools, eight slots are open for new schools.

1. TCU- We need at least one team that can win a football game! I'm willing to forgive that TCU would raise the purple count of the Big XII to TWO since this reinvention is all about inclusion.
2. University of Nebraska-Omaha- Bring in some diversity by including a college with a hockey team.
3. University of North Texas- It's time we made Iowa State feel good about their athletic program, so UNT is a logical choice to become the new Big XII whipping boy. But hey, they have a great marching band!
4. Texas State- Pretty much just because we need at least four Texas schools. Texans are serious about their football. We need to keep open any & all Texas recruiting connections plus it's nice to travel to a warmer climate for late season football games & occasionally the Big XII tourney.
5. Colorado School of Mines- It has a cool name.
6. University of Nebraska-Kearney- A.) Their mascot is an antelope. B.) All good runners come from Kearney, Nebraska (well, there & Kenya).
7. Some random school from Arkansas- We'll need someone to make fun of since Missouri is gone.
8. Either Johnson County Community College or Wichita State University. Wait, do they even have football teams?

Since bowl games would be a thing of the past, the Big XII can host the "Two Months Until March Madness! Bowl."