In Which I Discover My Sense of Entitlement

Giving up Facebook and alcohol simultaneously has been an excellent exercise in self-control for those specific things. It has been hard, but doable; however, the part that has been the most disturbing is that now, while I don't necessarily crave checking Facebook or a nice, cold Michelob Ultra while watching Jayhawk basketball, something in my mind keeps saying "Indulge me! You deserve it!" I haven't been able to figure out what part of the brain this is, but it manifests itself as entitlement.

This part of my brain tells me that since I'm giving up these chosen things, I can instead indulge in XY&Z other things. This part of my brain is telling me that since I disturbed the balances of vices in my life by giving things up, I should definitely look into other vices like pop, buying crap I don't need (see February, I already tried to work on that one! It came back! Ack!), and "treating myself" to crap food. Practically speaking, I have purchased more sugary items from convenience stores during the month of March than I have in a really, really long time.

And so I discovered I am an entitled person. These things such as extra pop, sweets, etc. are neither wants nor needs. They are simply entitlements. I "deserve" more pop since I'm not drinking alcohol. I "deserve" to be able to snack on way too many Starburst Jelly Beans at work since I can't check Facebook. I "deserve" to eat fried food and/or get an extra serving of dessert since.....it's Monday and I can't have a glass of wine or check Facebook! How messed up is that?

I'm supposed to be mentally transcending above the plain of wants and needs! I'm supposed to be placidly raking my rock garden of zen-like self-discipline. I'm supposed to be the white, female, Midwestern version of this guy:

So for the month of April, I thought about giving up sweets or pop, but I think I'm going to give up "caving to entitlements". In practice, this will be mean carefully considering what I am purchasing and what goes into my body with the following questions:

1. Do I need this?
2. Do I want this?
3. Do I just feel entitled to this?

This will involve a lot more thought than the black and white lines of alcohol or Facebook. We'll see how that goes.

Giving Stuff Up: Mid-Month Update

So I'm in the middle of giving up Facebook for March & alcohol for Lent. I'll be honest, this is harder than I thought it'd be!

Facebook: I feel like I'm missing something. I know I'm not missing anything, but I feel like I am. I shouldn't care about cat pictures, TMI statements, random thoughts on March Madness, or what somebody went shopping for today. I know that. But somehow, "voyeurism" got added to Maslow's hierarchy of needs for the 21st century. I also miss status updates as an outlet for my own witty, observational remarks like "Working at the geological survey, I can't tell the personal style difference between geologists, international students, and hipsters." I would have at least three people like that! I almost broke down & joined Twitter to get my social media fix, but I decided that would be cheating.

So I am learning that I do not indeed need Facebook to survive. I am also learning that Facebook creates pressure for each individual to have an audience. The pressure exists to keep your audience happy & interested. Instead, I am having the joy of keeping observations to myself. Honestly, only two out of my 376 Facebook friends have contacted me to ask why I wasn't on Facebook. "My audience" does not miss me.

Alcohol: Also harder than I thought. I enjoy having a cold beer every so often. I enjoy getting together with friends for Happy Hour and a glass of house red. Tomorrow is St. Patrick's Day, which we all know is the American's celebration of the day St. Ignacio killed on the snakes in Mexico (not original material), and it'd be nice to have a Guinness. Instead, I'll be celebrating by being DD. At least I know my friends will get home safely!

But I must keep my eye on the bigger picture. These things are supposed to be hard! Why would I give up something that's easy? It's a personal test, and I will persevere. Only a few more weeks! Can't cave now!

March: Giving Up

March starts the month of giving up Facebook. It's only been one day, and it's a little bit hard! To ensure I won't/can't cheat, I had a trusted friend change my password before deactivating my account. She won't give it back to me until April 1. Sigh.

I didn't realize how many times I was checking Facebook during the day (30 seconds here & there, supposedly) while at work. I didn't realize how much of a crutch it was. When stuck with a problem & unsure how to proceed, I'd usually just check Facebook for a quick mental break before diving back in. Unfortunately, checking one social networking site usually spawns tangents. And tangents spawn tangents.

"Hello Facebook! Oooh, someone is on vacation! I want to go on a vacation. Let me look up cheap vacations. But then I might need a new swim suit. Ooooh! Look at the swim suits on sale at Land's End! I wonder if they're selling any winter coats? But what about new high heels? I remember there being some cute ones on Pinterest! Why does Pinterest kinda suck? Stop posting about babies, weddings, and Mason jars! I wonder if so-and-so's wedding pics are up on Facebook. Hey! Someone is on vacation!"

Yep. It's terrible.

But I'm happy to admit I was pretty dang productive at work today since I was forced to be FOCUSED. "Focus" isn't really a virtue of the 21st century yet. Everybody's ADD is highly encouraged with up-to-the-second everything and endless streams of new digital information (Twitter, FB, Pinterest, blogs, etc.), but none of it is meant to really stick. It's like intending to soak in a hot tub, but continually diving in to white water rapids thinking it will have the same relaxing effect.

Maybe March will be the "hot tub" for my internet brain so I can relax & focus a bit?

And also on the plus side, it being March means I can buy clothes again!

Not Another Lent Blog!

Originally, I had a great Lent blog planned since for the first time, I'm giving up something. I already told about giving up buying clothes for the month of February, and over drinks with friends last week, I decided to try giving up something each month for the rest of the year as an experiment. On the chopping block so far- Facebook, meat, pop, jeans (so hard!). For other months, I might add a goal like going running three times a week or reading for 30 minutes at least 4 times a week. I have some more brainstorming to do on this, I'll keep you posted. My goal for the project is to set and accomplish short-term goals for personal growth without seriously affecting anyone else's life in the process (for example giving up my car for a month and needing to bum rides off everyone for everything).

And then my boyfriend (who actually is Catholic) told me he was giving up alcohol for Lent. I decided to tack that on since I'm giving up random somethings this year anyway, I might as well give up alcohol for Lent for moral support. I hadn't originally thought of including alcohol as a give-up for 2012 (maybe because I was very much enjoying a glass of wine at the time I was chatting with friends), but hey, 40 days isn't that long. I'm not a raging alcoholic or anything, but I do like to enjoy a few drinks a week.

So then I was REALLY planning a great Lent blog on the virtues of self-denial and self-discipline when I read "The Opportunity of Lent" from Becoming Minimalist. It's great. It just hits the nail on the head.

It put me in my place that the first "opportunity" of Lent is to learn humility. I quoth- "It is a humbling exercise to battle controlling influences in our lives. We are forced to stand face-to-face with our weaknesses and our humanity. And whether we win or lose over the course of the forty days, even the intensity of the struggle supplies profound humility."

It's not a time to go parading around what we're giving up or that we just happen to be doing great at it. If we can do that, it means we picked something that wasn't a controlling influence on our life in the first place.

The other "opportunity" that struck me was developing empathy. I am not naturally a very empathetic person. When other people struggle with any number of things (addiction, overeating, little initiative, etc.), I tend to respond with an attitude similar to "Just get over it already!!!" This is neither kind nor encouraging to the person struggling. By struggling through a challenge myself, I might (hopefully?) develop a kinder attitude to others.

The one "opportunity" I'd add to Becoming Minimalist's list is forced creativity. By giving up alcohol, I will probably branch out in to some other beverages I wouldn't otherwise drink. On nights I might usually drink a glass of wine, I might opt for a glass of warm cider or soy milk. One of my favorite Happy Hour locations makes their own ginger ale and root beer, but I haven't tried those yet since I'm usually ordering something alcoholic. For the month I'll be giving up meat, I'll have to get creative with some new recipes. For the month I'm giving up jeans (yikes! scary!), I'm going to have to get REALLY creative with my wardrobe.

So there's my Lent blog. You should probably read Becoming Minimalist's Lent blog for a more philosophical & challenging take :)

Could you give up X for a month?

Lent is right around the corner. I'm not Catholic, but there's something to be said for the personal challenge of giving something up for a month (or 40-ish days, whatever).

For the month of February, I decided to give up buying clothes. Why? I don't really buy a lot of clothes & I generally hate shopping, but I suddenly found myself buying random clothes I didn't need in December & January. At the end of January, I still wanted to buy more random clothes that I don't need.

But I want more sweatpants! And I think I need a new black cardigan!

Self-control is greatly under-rated in today's society. We are told to give in to our every desire & whim since, hey, we deserve it!

No, we don't. Do we really want our impulses to have that much control over our actions?

It's a good exercise in self-control, commitment, & perseverance to have the goal of "fasting" for a period of time. For me, it's clothes for the month of February.